I have worked in IT for just over a year now, and that time has been filled with challenges, most of which are technical in nature and very difficult for someone with novice level technical abilities (such as myself). I’m told that these will ease in time as I gather more experience, but there is also another type of problem, a more systemic and deeply rooted one, that is hindering my ability to improve. The pattern I’ve sketched out so far looks something like this
- Knowing nothing, I teach myself something
- I apply those skills and grow more
- With more knowledge, I gain more abilities
- with more abilities I make more mistakes
- these mistakes cause me to question my skills
- I’m hesitant to use my skills and the atrophy of my inaction leads to more problesm
This is, of course, not how I think I should be approaching things. With that said, I would be telling a lie if I told you that I knew what I was doing most of the time, and I do make mistakes and there are many, many things I do not know. The feeling gets worse when I have to communicate this to a client by way of explaining a mistake or an error, or something I don’t understand. I feel that they
Shaking that mindset, reframing my thoughts, and coming to terms with this is something I struggle with on a weekly basis.
To that end, I’m going to try to implement a new type of framework to live within, apply myself within that framework, and record results.
I’m having a hard time not laughing at my last sentence. You can’t imagine how many times I’ve written to-do list after to-do list, with goals and action plans, and the like with absolutley nothing to show for it but lists.
I primary component of what was missing was accountability. I purchased this domain a long time ago and did nothing with it. Some of that was out of fear; fear that an employer would find my website and that would impact my employment, fear that someone would try to dox me for whatever reason they feel is justified, or some other form of fear that comes with exposure.
Still, the only fear larger than that of exposure is death. More to the point, having wasted ones life with nothing to show for it. While I don’t suffer from delusions of grandeur, I would like to make some positive impact on the world before I’m gone, at least that is what my ego is saying. To address that fear, I think I should be recording more of the present moment, to record this life (however mundane, and believe me, it gets VERY mundane) in a way that I can reflect upon later, with minimal fuss. And if what I record helps someone else along the way (or helps me get a job) I will consider that an added bonus.
So, with that said, I conclude the first post of a on going series “Zen and the Art of Server Maintenance.” Thanks for reading.